| academic |
Someone who studied for
years with no money to get a PhD, for the privelige of a 60-70 hour per week
job that offers no security and that everyone thinks is a sinecure. |
| adminstratium |
The heaviest known inert
element that acts to impede all reactions. |
| astrologer |
A charlatan who gets paid a
King's ransom to advise US presidents and European dictators which country
they ought to invade or bomb. |
| biology |
Green stamp collecting. |
| chemistry |
Ten-volt physics. |
| computer |
Millions of transistors all
working to produce confusion. |
| conferences |
Travel that academics are required
to undertake largely at their own expense so that they can be interrogated
and criticised by their peers. |
| electricity |
The conduction of smoke down thin
pipes, which, if they break, allow it to escape. |
| environmental science |
(a) A luddite belief that all progress
is evil, brokered by little eccentric men in white coats.
(b) A quantitative understanding of the physics of the Earth and the region
of space it occupies. |
| mathematics |
The hammer and anvil of science. |
| Maxwell's equations |
Without these there would be no
radio, TV, fibre optics, lasers, satellites ... |
| Microsoft |
Software that has changed the
structure of our society, made a few people richer than many countries, and
made many other people really jealous. |
| nuclear physics |
Very little to do with weapons, but
the basis for much of medical diagnostic techniques. |
| nuclear radiation |
Something that everybody thinks
comes from reactors and power stations, but most of which comes from rocks,
bricks, good healthy food, and outer space. |
| physicist |
A well-trained scientist whose work
has a huge positive influence on ordinary life and who gets to beg lowly
bureaucrats for a grudgingly given trickle of hopelessly inadequate
funding. |
| physics |
The fundamental science that people
think is irrelevant, but is the foundation of our society and technology. |
| quantum mechanics |
The area of physics that nobody
wants to understand yet provides 40% of the US GDP. |
| university |
A hallowed empire that functions
best when there are no students present to disrupt proceedings. |